it was fall when i woke up from a nap
long awaited fall
but now it felt too early
before i stepped out on the porch
i struggled to find the covers
to pull them over my shivering shoulder
and when my mother called me outside
i left my jacket in hopes of feeling
the summer sun on my forehead
but it was already gone
before i had the chance to enjoy it
it had left
all that was left behind were the green leaves
that had fallen to the ground and were blowing in the breeze
along with the glorious feeling of summer
that i had been wishing away all along
but still i went out underdressed
maybe if i pretended the sun was still kind
it would come back out for me
maybe if i wished and prayed enough that autumn stayed away until i was ready
it would listen and obey
but it never did
deep down under the thin clothing failing to protect me from the winds heavy gusts
i knew it wouldn’t
Warm winds brush against my neck.
faint smells of honey suckle and freshly cut grass that linger in the humid air.
The cool dirt lay still, under my hands.
I see movement in my peripheral vision
and turn to see a figure approaching.
Suddenly the world around me
seems less vivid.
As she comes closer, I recognize her familiar features.
She was someone I’d seen everyday
but had never spoken to.
Continuing in my direction
Her hair falls in front of her eyes
but she doesn’t try to move it.
She looks down nervously
when she realizes she’s not alone.
I look away for a while but
I can’t help but look again as she passes.
She glances up.
A split second feels like a like a year
when our eyes meet.
The deep blues and greys
in her eyes tell stories,
ones I cannot yet comprehend.
But there is one thing I can see.
Beauty. True beauty.
The miniature oceans emanate
a sense of home and acceptance.
But when the moment is over,
she is gone.
The winds begin to cool
and the sun, now hiding behind a cloud,
no longer warms my skin.
Sincerity infected with lies,
What’d they say about youth?
“You’ll feel wild, you’ll feel free!”
But all it is i see
Is doubt and promises broken.
This part was so unspoken.
Am I the one to blame
For my indignity and shame?
Or was it ‘cause I wasn’t warned
That happiness would now be mourned?
It seems they all forget
They once woke up in a cold sweat.
Their life is no longer dark and grey.
Those old feelings never seem to stay.
But a long time ago they were the same.
They felt the agony and pain,
Dreamed of days in which they’d grin
And feel not guilty for their sin.
But those moments came and passed.
In its place lies stares and laughs,
So I’ll sit and wait my turn,
For time to heal my youthful burns.
And when all that’s left is scars,
And I’m no longer behind the bars
Of coming-of-age stories and life lessons,
Then along with all the stressing,
My worry and doubt will go.
And I’ll forget it was ever so.